Tomorrow

It's 10:37pm. My baby has been asleep for about an hour and a half, though he woke once with tummy pains. After a long fart he fell back to sleep.

I've now packed the lamp on my desk. Never has my desk been so bare while still in working order. I work in paper. Stacks of it. Boxes of it. It litters everything, despite my best efforts to shred, recycle, and file it. I envy people, like my husband, who can work with a spartan efficiency. I cannot.

Today I said goodbye to my therapist. I gave her a photo for her office. For the first time, we talked about her, instead of me. She's pregnant, due in December. I only figured this out two weeks ago as I spied another therapist patting her tummy just before I rang the buzzer to be admitted to the office. She's having a boy. He's a lucky baby.

Tonight I said the teariest goodbye yet. We had dinner with Jason, Angie, James, & Maya. I'm heartsick to be moving so far away from A&M. Ange and I met at a time when we were both new to the Lake Merritt area of Oakland. She had her newborn. I was still pregnant. In the months and years that passed, we, and our children, got to be the best of friends. It feels like I'm leaving part of myself behind as I walk away from them. I have tears in my eyes now even writing about it.

I'm actually grateful that my sadness has finally found its way to the surface. I'm happy that I love enough to have tears. I believe it's true that you realize what you have in someone when they are no longer in close proximity. I am blessed to have such love in my life. Even from afar.

Tomorrow begins a new adventure. Tomorrow begins what's next. Today is the end of an era. Today is the last day that I live in the San Francisco Bay Area. For now, at least. Believe me. I may come home to stay.